Episode 212: Until You Try

Stephanie S. crossed a line when her drinking changed from a want to a need. In this episode, she describes the insidious nature of addiction and shares a song that she wrote about her struggle entitled “Until You Try.” The song, performed by her son David, does a magnificent job of capturing the emotional pain of repeatedly trying and failing to stop drinking.

What we talked about

  • Therapeutic benefits of writing poetry and music.
  • Inspiration for her song “Until You Try”, and how it relates to her journey.
  • The insidiousness of addiction and crossing the line from a want to a need.
  • Labeling ourselves as “alcoholics”.
  • Positive and helpful aspects of AA meetings.
  • Speaking her truth as an atheist in AA.
  • Not believing in a higher power doesn’t mean we think we are the higher power.
  • Gratitude.
  • Freedom from alcohol and shame.

Memorable quotes

I’m a good example of how quantity has nothing to do with addiction. It had me in a stranglehold. Like I was holding onto a defective life raft that I knew I would go down with, but I wouldn’t let go until I found a substitute.

It took me a while to compare and not contrast, but when I was able to dive below the surface and see the commonality, and see actual transformations that I’ve never seen before in people. It was an awesme thing to see.

I’ve been in the program for about seven years. It took many years before it clicked. Many years before I was very clear that I could not have one drink and not quickly get into that quicksand.

There are times when I feel grateful. I don’t think I would have learned certain things about myself. I think it’s good to be humble at times. A lot of the shame I had is gone.


AA Agnostica Article Sticking With It, by Stephanie S.

Lyrics to the song Until You Try.