Episode 184: Relationships in Sobriety

In this episode, Angela and I are joined by Bri, a friend from my home group, to discuss relationships. We take a look at the issues we faced with relationships while we were drinking, as well as in recovery. Bri goes into detail about some of her early experiences, and Angela talks about the developmental theory of relationships and how that is problematic for people in recovery. 

Bri got sober in rural south-central Kansas attending meetings at very traditional AA groups. She remembers that most often the suggestion was to not get involved in a relationship during the first year because you haven’t had time to find out who you are. Today, Bri lives in the Kansas City area where she attends meetings at We Agnostics Kansas City, and Freethinkers in AA Kansas City.

Episode Summary 

Some of the key points addressed in this episode:

  • What to do about relationships when newly sober.
  • How a breakup of a relationship can affect an entire group.
  • The problem of predatory behavior in the rooms of AA.
  • Dating in sobriety, and the pitfalls of online dating.
  • Dating during a pandemic.
  • The developmental theory of relationships.

Memorable Quotes 

I sobered up for all the wrong reasons, and then they convinced me that I had to sober up for me, not for my wife or family. – Bri 

I don’t tell people to not get involved in a relationship during their first year, I try to caution them to try not to make any changes if possible until you can get a more secure footing in sobriety. – Angela