Maybe you’re familiar with the Cycle of Addiction, a repeating set of stages (and downward spiral) that many of us have experienced to one degree or another. Host John Sheldon’s guest on this episode of The Beyond Belief Sobriety Podcast invites us to look at a mirror image – a Cycle of Recovery tracing a replicable process for moving towards healing. Author Joi Andreoli has designed a highly visual – and positive – framework for recovery that will inspire you with its openness and emphasis on the power of connection. Her new book also offers two different tracks – one an easy-to-follow manual for recovering individuals and the other sound clinical instruction geared towards mental health professionals and drug counselors.
A licensed marriage and family therapist who is herself a longtime member of the recovery community, Joi’s approach is supported by Four Cornerstones that meet you wherever you are. The cycle’s stages highlighted in her book, “The Recovery Cycle: A Practical Guide to Loving Your Sober Life,” invite readers to participate in their own vision of recovery:
- Focus (positive attention and concentration given toward abstinence and other life goals recovering people define for themselves.)
- Recovery Rituals (use tools and support from any recovery program that feels like a good fit).
- Contrary Action (substitute self-affirming behaviors for those that are self-destructive).
- Expanded Range of Feelings (learn to sit with a full spectrum of painful and pleasurable feelings).
You’ll enjoy this exchange of stories and reflections on everything from the important role that connecting with others plays in recovery to how our families of origin shape behaviors and expectations that impact our lives well beyond childhood experience. John and Joi also explore an expansive definition of spirituality – a dogma-free but no less sacred expression of what it feels like to be human and share with others. Retrieving our truest selves isn’t easy, says Joi: “It’s hard work, a cycle, a process. It’s never over-and-done. It’s a continuous process.” The good news? The process can be joyful and – wherever you are in your cycle of addiction or recovery – you’ve got access to a tremendous community of support and variety of paths to pursue in finding the right fit!
Just click here if you’d like to learn more about Joi’s thought-provoking book, “The Recovery Cycle: A Practical Guide to Loving Your Sober Life.”
Key Takeaways
- Joi was inspired to write “The Recovery Cycle: A Practice Guide to Loving Your Sober Life” to represent the emotional journey of recovery in a user-friendly, visual way.
- Joi defines the process of recovery as: Becoming an observer of our thoughts and feelings while aligning our actions with the values we hold dear.
- Abstinence is key, but don’t give up if you’re not there yet. Just keep reading, reflecting and trying.
- Four Cornerstones of Recovery:
- Focus (articulate a simple goal with help from someone who knows recovery).
- Recovery Rituals (use tools and support from any recovery program that feels like a good fit).
- Contrary Action (substitute self-affirming behaviors for those that are self-destructive).
- Expanded Range of Feelings (learn to sit with the full spectrum of feelings – including guilt, shame or embarrassment as well as the experience of pleasure).
- Recovery Rituals are an alternative to old habits that don’t serve and the basis for moving out of isolation, towards connection.
- Creating connections and learning to function in healthy, caring relationships is a critical piece of recovery.
- Joi was so afraid of people – and so great was her mistrust and fear of judgment – that it took 12 years before she felt comfortable sharing in groups.
- It requires bravery and work to unwind years of early conditioning and learn to bring vulnerability and trust to relationships without shifting into a secondary drug of choice: blame or reactivity.
- Joi’s book touches on our ability as humans to pause in response to our emotions and check in rather than respond out of fright, freeze, fight or flight.
- When we identify our feelings, we can communicate and resolve them appropriately.
- John reflects on the power of early influences and how our families of origin can shape expectations, boundaries and behaviors.
- Recovery is about finding your own voice and way of being – outside of whatever was programmed into you at a young age.
- The act of not drinking becomes much more powerful when it’s paired with recovering a personal vision, pursuit or larger goal for your life.
- Structuring time around positive experiences and people is a critical building block in sobriety because it brings meaning and growth.
- Spirituality as a language and expression of our human connection without regard to anything more than simply our lived experience and feelings.
- In closing: If you’re struggling, don’t give up. Find someone you feel safe with and trust. Honesty and connection is where it all starts!
Key Quotes
“If you’re thinking that there’s a problem, there probably is a problem.” (Joi)
“If I want to progress and have my behavior align with my ideals for myself, my inner most self, I need to do that sober.” (Joi)
“I believe recovery rituals need to include other sober people that I like and that have the same values.” (Joi)
“If we live (the cycle) fully and engage in it, insert ourselves into the whole thing, we can drop down into feeling a greater connection to ourselves, others and maybe something greater – if you believe in that.” (Joi)
“We have a common shared experience in our pain and in our joys and I think it’s vital to have healthy, caring relationships.” (Joi)
“Relationships require work. There’s no way around it, which I think is good. It helps us as human beings.” (John)
“We get sober but are still bringing that (childhood) conditioning to our relationships.” (Joi)
“Impulse control is really a hallmark of sobriety … but it’s hard work, a cycle, a process. It’s never over-and-done. It’s a continuous process.” (Joi)
“People use the word God, but it’s almost a shared spirit … Developing this relationship with myself and my values is all mixed into it, connecting with myself and other people.” (Joi)
“Connection with other people is that feeling of being safe and feeling like you’re loved and with people who understand you.” (John)
“(My book) is a visual representation of this emotional journey that we’re all going to do. We’ve just got to stay sober!” (Joi)
Further Resources
- Joi’s Book: “The Recovery Cycle: A Practical Guide to Loving Your Sober Life.”
- Earnie Larsen’s “Stage II Recovery: Life Beyond Addiction.”
- A YouTube clip of Psychiatrist Dan Siegel talking about “Name It to Tame It.”
- Here’s Beyond Belief’s episode about William James and Peg O’Connor’s book, “Higher and Friendly Powers: Transforming Addiction and Suffering,” which you can find here.
About Our Guest
Joi earned her Master’s in Psychology from Antioch University, Los Angeles. She spent three years studying communication strategies and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at the WANT® Institute, becoming a Certified WANT® Educator and Transactional Analysis Practitioner.
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